i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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