Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
