So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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