How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
