So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
