I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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