That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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