I want to have your abortion
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
