you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
