I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
