I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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