Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
