You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
