I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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