I need help removing her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
