In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize