I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
