Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
