Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
