i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
