I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
