I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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