So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
