Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
