I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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