FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
