My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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