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Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
