There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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