Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
