It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
