I need help removing her.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
