Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
