I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize