i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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