So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
