If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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