I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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