I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
