did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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