I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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