I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
