Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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