My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
