there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
