he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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