Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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