I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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