I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
