All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
