I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I could fuck to npr.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
