Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
