well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
