I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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