I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
