quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
