I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
