Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize