FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
