Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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