my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
