Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
