she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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