he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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