I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
