Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
