I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
