I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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