You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
