Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
