i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
