I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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