I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
