Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
